Okay, thank you for finding this page. It doesn't matter if you ended up here accidentally - what really matters is that you are here. As both a human being and also as a counsellor I truly understand what suicidal thoughts can feel like. That isn't me claiming to know how you feel, but I can understand 'that place' of heavy dark thoughts. For some it may include feeling trapped, lost, swamped. No place to turn. Nobody to really talk to who will understand - maybe you anticipate reaching out will bring you loads of advice that you just don't want to hear, and expectations which mean giving more of yourself when you have nothing left to give - and right now, that's just too much.
I understand that too. Is it maybe possible that you could give yourself permission to do nothing detrimental to yourself - and just give 'therapy' a chance?
Can I just say - this does not need to be the end. Suicide is very final. There are no second chances after suicide - and the pain doesn't stop there - it may be passed onto those who are left behind.
Although hard to believe, these feelings may be temporary. There are others who have been here in this dark place, and have got through it and gone on to live a full life. Finding an alternative to suicide does not take 'that option' away from you - but it gives you the option of considering the possibility that there could be another future.
Look, if you have got this far - then maybe it could be manageable to hold on a little while longer? Whilst I see clients privately - Your GP might be able to refer you to a free service.
If time is not something you feel you have, can I ask that you at least ring someone - maybe the Samaritans?
Local telephone numbers:
BOLTON: 01204 521200
MANCHESTER: 0161 236 8000
WIGAN: 01942 492222
BURY: 0161 764 0055
Papyrus:- https://www.papyrus-uk.org (Telephone Hopeline: 0800 068 4141).
SOBS (Support) (also includes Survivors of bereavement by suicide) 01708 765200 Help Line.
For now... ensure you are around other supportive people and in a safe place.
Talking decreases that sense of isolation; even if you think nobody wants to listen - they do.